In some ways I always looked at myself with pity.
I wasn’t tough as a child, I wasn’t strong emotionally, at least I wasn’t in the way I measured toughness.
I was tender. I cried easily. My feelings were easily hurt.
Very much in my own head, making friends was hard for me. I tended to cling to a few very closely and look at the rest of the world out of a cocoon I made for myself with wide, wary eyes.
I’d look at the “popular” with envy. Making friends looked so easy for them. Being liked was so simple for them it seemed. But my very sensitivity seemed to drive people away, as other kids didn’t know what to do with this girl who cried so easily, and felt so much.
For some of you these feelings might resonate, for some they might seem foreign, but I think far more can identify with me than I ever knew. This was my personality, but I wasn’t so alone in this personality as I thought.
We all have these parts of us that we’re insecure about, these personality traits we would wish to change so we “fit” better.
Why? Why do we wish to change?
I’m not saying we don’t need to mature in our own ways. For me that has meant many times where I’d have to step away from my “feelings” and look at situations rationally, at once acknowledging how I felt, but also understanding that my feelings can cloud reality.
But my sensitive nature? Do I need to change that?
How about you? Are there areas of your personality that you wish were different?
So you can fit in?
Fit in where? Fit what?
It can be difficult to realize, but fitting in is not ever the point of life. It’s actually frightening to think that, because somehow we have told ourselves that when we “fit” than things will be easy, that things will be right, and we will be loved.
So many lies.
God made me tender, He made me feel things keenly. If He hadn’t I doubt I would be able to write poetry, or explore deep thoughts, or be so attentive to the beauty in the world around me.
In the end, I love being me, even when being me isn’t easy.
What about your personality do you wish to change? Could it be that this place that you thought was your weakness, could in fact be your greatest strength?
Lets be real here.
Was it weakness that brought Christ to a cross? Or strength?
He didn’t fit. He was forceful in His views and didn’t conform. He didn’t try to live a comfortable life. He lived as Himself, and stayed true to who He was and what He was called to do, even when it called down scorn, even when it was uncomfortable, even when it led to His death. And He didn’t give an inch.
The world looked at Christ and called Him insane. The world even today looks at Christ and calls Him weak.
Who cares what the world says!
Our only concern is to be who God made us to be, and to follow the path He lays down for our lives. This isn’t an excuse on our part to do and be whatever we want, rather it is a call to be all that He wants us to be.
Because I’d rather be somebody who didn’t feel things quite so deeply, it would make life just that much easier, and it wouldn’t be so difficult to be brave.
But bravery comes from His hand, and my tender heart has kept me right in His plan.
So, today I choose to be grateful that I am tender. Grateful for my easily torn heart. Because He tares that He might heal. He breaks down that He might build up. And the best place to be is in His hands.
Come, let us return to the Lord. He has torn us to pieces but he will heal us; he has injured us but he will bind up our wounds. Hosea 6:1