Beautiful.

It’s a word that has so much meaning, and so difficult to define. It’s an ideal many of us chase and never feel we’ll reach. It’s a feeling of delight in what you see, and an inner confidence that inspires us. And for so many of us it’s a daily question.

Am I beautiful?

How can I be beautiful?

I’m a young mom, and over the last few years I’ve had an increase of body image issues that I didn’t use to wrestle with. After some serious yo-yoing due to thyroid issues I’m at my highest weight I’ve ever been, ten pounds higher than my pregnancy weight.  And the stretch marks covering my stomach, hips, thighs, and upper arms, don’t do much for helping me gain confidence in my skin. I’ve gone from a confident teenager that knew she was photogenic and confident in front of a camera, to a woman in her late twenties who has a hard time looking at pictures of herself.

I’ve read many times about how a parents body image issues can have a strong affect on a child and how they view themselves, so I’ve grown concerned over my increase of frustration over my body. I don’t want my daughter to see my discouragement in my own skin.

I need to love my body. I need to love myself. I need to see my beautiful.

The thing is, society has told us something about beauty that simply isn’t true. That our beauty is dependent on our skin, our size. It’s not.

When you think of the most beautiful people you know, who do you think of? The thing is, I will define beauty for my daughter, I have that power, what I say is beautiful will be beautiful in her life.

What do I mean?

I mean that to a little child, the most beautiful thing in the world is “Mommy.” She IS beauty personified. From her comes love and care and comfort and everything safe. She is that childs very first love.

And love is what makes her beautiful.

Think about it! Those most dear to your heart, aren’t they, in truth, the most beautiful to you? I am beautiful to my child because she loves me, I am beautiful to my husband because he loves me, I am beautiful to my parents because they love me. I am beautiful to God, because He loves me.

I am beautiful, because I am loved.

We seem to think its the other way around though. We are caught in the idea that unless we are beautiful, than we cannot be loved. But that isn’t how it works!

If you love life, and the world around you, you will stop and see the beauty in the simplest things around you, and be caught in awe by the majestic. If you hate your life, or the world around you, the beauty before you becomes dim to the point of non-existence.

How many times have you been saddened by a loved one who could not see their own beauty? You love them so much, they are so beautiful to you, but their own hatred of self keeps them from recognizing their value. How many times have you seen a woman reject the love offered to her? Because she did not feel herself lovable, because she did not feel herself beautiful. How many times have you been that woman?

What is beauty? Think about it. Is this image the world is selling us even beautiful? Think about the feeling the sight of beauty gives, the awe of a mountain landscape, the peace of a bubbling brook, the sight of a loving and beautiful friend. Now think of that magazine picture with the “beautiful” woman. Does it in any way give you the same feeling? The same awe?

No, what the world is trying to say is beautiful isn’t actually beauty, it is simply erotic. And honestly? Erotic and beauty have little to do with each other. Something erotic can be beautiful, but it can also be degraded and disgusting. Is that truly what we want to associate as beauty? For our daughters? For ourselves?

The thing is, this beauty question doesn’t start on a scale, or in the makeup isle, or in a magazine. It starts in the heart.

My heart has become critical of me. My heart has become unforgiving towards me. My heart needs a change.

Do I need to lose weight? Yes. For my health and energy I need to lose weight. Do I need to lose it to be beautiful? Not at all. But knowing that and living it can sometimes be two different things.

And that hurts more than just me.

Because when I don’t see myself as beautiful, I can push away from my husband, not feeling like his touch is deserved. And that hurts my husband.

And when I don’t see myself as beautiful, I can hurt my child, for whom I will have the power to define beauty. Because I teach her how to see herself, by how I see myself.

And when I don’t see myself as beautiful, I hurt my Heavenly Father. Because it hurts Him when someone says and does things that hurt someone He loves, even if it is themselves who are doing the hurting.

I need to remember what beauty is, deep inside myself. Because beauty isn’t an airbrushed image, it’s a kind word, a loving embrace, a joyful smile. Beauty is the light in someone’s eyes, and a shoulder offered to cry on. Beauty is my daughter covered in birthday cake, or offering a slobbery kiss.

Beauty is Love.

And that needs to be the filter I see myself through. I need to love myself. The goals I have for my body should be there out of love, not self-hate and criticism, not a sense of failure in my ability to control my weight. But to care for myself out of love, just as I care for my child in both comfort and discipline, because of love.

So, I’m making a new goal, yet a familiar goal, for myself and my body. I’m going to endeavor to love myself, because I am worth loving. And maybe, just maybe, even if the weight doesn’t come off, I’ll be able to again start seeing the beauty in me.

~Joy Aletheia Stevens

Photo Credit: Makeup brushes by Natasia Causse (CC BY 2.0)

Photo Credit: You Are Beautiful by La Melodie (CC BY 2.0)