Women can be incredibly cruel.

Obnoxious.

Judgmental.

Especially of themselves.

A while ago I was commenting on something as mundane as feeding my child chicken nuggets, and got a dirty look from another woman. She wasn’t a mom, but she knew that chicken nuggets aren’t the healthiest thing in the world, and I suppose she couldn’t imagine why I would give them to my daughter.

I told her I really didn’t care. For the first ten months of her life my daughter was on a feeding tube and I’m quite honestly glad she eats at all. I’ve also learned there is pretty much no way you can argue with a one-year-old over food, they will eat what they will eat. She eats chicken nuggets.

That’s getting a little off topic though. The issue I saw from this situation grew over the next few days as I looked at how women judge each other.

We can be kind of horrible.

But the biggest offender in my case, after I was looking at the issue for awhile, turned out to be myself.

I found myself looking at all the “stuff” other moms were doing and tearing myself down because I wasn’t doing it too.

There is a gal I know, she is a mom of teenagers, she has like, two or three jobs, plus about two volunteer jobs. I can actually get offended when I read all the things she does on her facebook, not because she’s offensive, but I feel like her doing all of that means I should be doing it too. Like her going full steam all the time somehow shines a light on me as a lazy person who isn’t on the ball.

Except, she has steam, I don’t.

Then there are the friends who are good at crafts, or run their own photography business (I know at least five or six photographers). The homeschool moms always doing something with their kids. The Etsy women who are so freaking creative. The women who post pictures of their kids running around nicely decorated homes that actually don’t have goldfish crackers and toys all over the floor.

Or the friends that are going places, getting degrees, being generally successful.

Or the ones who always look cute. Know how to put together cute outfits and do their hair and makeup expertly. As comparison I do wash-and-go styles for a reason, I’ve no idea how to do my hair. I rarely wear makeup. I have no idea how to match accessories.

I subconsciously compare myself to all of them.

I always fall short.

So inevitably when someone makes a comment on my life and choices…

Well lets just say I don’t always react well.

Am I alone in this? This mad race in my head to prove to the world that I’m something more? Even when the whole mad race is only in my head in the first place?

I’ve never been a naturally “fast lane” kind of person, lump on that a boat load of medical problems and I honestly call it a success if I get down through the toys to the floor to vacuum it before my daughter has gone through and eaten all the crumbs for me! I tend to let a lot of things go and focus on the bare minimum. I occasionally have spurts of energy to try to push out of my small bubble but it’s rare.

When you can’t keep up with much, you tend to just try for the most important. Relationships are important to me and I’ll let all sorts of things go if it means having the time and energy to focus on a friendship.

I was talking to a friend of mine about being a “slow lane” kind of person. She was pointing out how her mother has all this energy to spare, and can go and go and go. She could never keep up with how her mom does things, but that is ok.

That’s the point I suppose. We are each individuals with individual strengths and talents. But so often, as women, we compare ourselves to each other and because we, as an individual, cannot do what another individual does, we judge ourselves.

I’m trying to learn to have more grace towards myself. This “Self” that God made and singled out for His individual use.

After all, we are all created individuals. God didn’t forget to add something to you, you have all He needs you to have to live the life He meant you to live.

What is it that makes us so critical? Is it Pride? Jealousy? Insecurity? Are those causes? Or merely symptoms of something deeper?

After all, we have an enemy prowling and looking to devour us, to at the very least incapacitate us to fulfill the destiny God has for us. The strategy of distraction is one he uses very commonly. Distracting yourself with yourself is a nice blind spot he can thrive in.

Where are my eyes when I’m looking to criticize myself? Where are my eyes when I’m looking to compare myself? Where are my eyes supposed to be?

And let us run with endurance the race God has set before us. We do this by keeping our eyes on Jesus Hebrews 12:1b-2a NLT

And that is the point. Because I can’t run someone else’s race, and I was never meant to, but to run my own I must fix my eye’s only on Him.

So women, lets start keeping our eyes where they are supposed to be, have more grace for ourselves and for each other. It’s a challenge I give you. It’s a challenge I give myself.

~Joy Aletheia Stevens

Photo Credit: Woman by Joe Szilagyi (CC BY-SA 2.0)    

Photo Credit: Alone by Lee Haywood (CC BY-SA 2.0)    

Photo Credit: Joy by Jing Qu (CC BY 2.0)