Homeschool Kids Rock!
I was Homeschooled, so I really have to say that.
My parents started homeschooling me when I was around ten years old after they decided they couldn’t continue sending us to the small one room Christian School we had gone to up until that point.
Now, as an adult, I keep in touch with several fellow homeschool friends that I made as a teen. And I’ve noticed some things, some opinions, some reactions, that I think people who are considering homeschooling should be aware of. Opinions coming from the other side lets say. Not from the parent, who had all sorts of reasons to feel justified in keeping their child out of public school, but from the child, all grown up, and now sorting out life away from parental influence.
Let me say now that I am in no way against homeschooling.
But I have seen some patterns that make me think that there are many wrong reasons that people homeschool. These reasons can seem very just to the parent, and wise, and good, but the drive coming from these reasons often has the opposite affect than the parent wishes.
Let me get into it and try to explain.
Wrong Reason to Homeschool One: To protect your child from ungodly influence.
Wow can I imagine all the homeschool parents reacting to this one! It’s probably the number one biggest reason that Christian parents tend to choose to homeschool, and it starts my list for WRONG reasons to homeschool. Why? Well I’ll tell you.
I have seen, over and over, kids coming out of homeschool families with not one clue about how the world thinks. Oh they might know how the world works, they may have a fantastic education, but they never got to learn how the world thinks.These are the kids who were overwhelmed by rules at home, and never had anyone explain to them why the rules applied. So when they hit the door they discover this huge world of differing ideas and thought processes and you know what they find out? The world isn’t stupid! And all this stuff Mom and Dad kept from them is kind of fun!
You see, children actually need to learn how to deal with the world if they are going to live in it. If they never have an opportunity to learn while still under their parents guidance than they get to learn without that guidance as adults. The world is going to influence your kid. Wouldn’t it be better in some ways for them to learn how to deal with it on the swing-set than in a college dorm?
Wrong Reason to Homeschool Two: Because what they teach in school is stupid and evil. (evolution and what not)
Ok, I am not arguing for evolution, or any other thing that goes against the Bible that they teach in schools, but let me say it right here and now. I’ve seen many many many homeschool kids flip on all these science issues to the point of having serious questions of their faith. Why? Because Mom and Dad told them that the other side had no argument, no standing, and no proof, they hit the door and find out that the other side does have an argument that makes sense, a very seemingly strong standing, and pretty solid looking proof. Guess who looks like a liar? Guess who’s thoughts, ethics, and world view just basically became null and void in their life? Guess who just sabotaged every thing they ever said to their kid?
Wrong Reason to Homeschool Three: To raise up a good, informed, republican generation that will take this country back for God!
I literally cringe as I type that.
Homeschool parents complain that Public Schools are trying to brainwash kids, but honestly a lot of homeschool parents, whether they mean to or not, try to do exactly the same thing. Do you understand the pressure you are putting your kid under? The complete management of what they think, feel, and want to be? I’ve known one person who was raised under such concepts who not only is very liberal now, but feels that the pressure she felt as a child was almost the same as mental abuse.
As parents you are supposed to help your child learn who they are and what they think, not tell them who they are and what they think. Will they always agree with you? Maybe not. But honestly to try to force your child to be something only harms them, it doesn’t help them.
Wrong Reason to Homeschool Four: Because the government has no right to tell me what to do with my child!
I cringe with that one too. Not because I don’t partly agree with it, but I’ve seen the damage that thought process can do in an extreme state.
Homeschool parents want to think that the community they build is full of love and wisdom. People wanting only the best for their children. But there is an ugly side. A really dark, terrible, ugly side.
Because that kind of environment, away from public view and influence, is the perfect place for abusers to thrive.
Don’t even begin to deny it. I know of at least one instance personally where the only reason the family homeschooled was because it gave the abusive parent the perfect environment of isolation where they could control and micromanage every tiny detail of their families lives.
It was a horrifying way to grow up.
Yet when the government tries to monitor any homeschool family (and yes they do overstep their bounds at times) every homeschooler can’t imagine anything other than the homeschoolers being the victims. Never the perpetrators. The government DOES have some rights over what you do with your child. They have the right to protect a child from abuse.
Wrong Reason to Homeschool Five: To raise my child as a Christian.
You can’t teach your child to be a Christian.
This is a frightening but important thought for any parent.
Being a Christian isn’t something you become by knowing the Bible, or learning church history. (Although church history is fascinating and its a shame that most people don’t learn more of it.) Keeping your child away from the influence of the world, teaching them a “Christian Worldview,” even raising them with solid values, none of that is going to actually turn your child into a Christian.
Because being a Christian is not something you learn, it’s something you become through an encounter with Christ. And you don’t become it because a parent told you to, you become it because, with full understanding of yourself, you choose Christ.
When you try to make your child into something you want them to be you actually keep them from understanding themselves. When you keep them from understanding themselves you keep them from the first step in reaching out to Christ, knowing their need for Him. You have no control over your child’s walk to or from Christ, you can only chase after Christ yourself wholeheartedly and hope that some of what you show helps point them the way. It’s not a step you can take for them, rather one they must take themselves.
Homeschooling is not going to be a magic potion to change that.
Should you homeschool? That isn’t something I can tell you. Are public schools growing worse and worse in standards of education? Yes. But the question of if you can honestly give your child a better education is not something I can say because I don’t know you or your qualifications, nor the state of the schools in your area. The choice to homeschool is a personal one, and can be different with every child, it’s between you and God and what is best for your family. But I hope I’ve given you some new things to think about as you make your choice.
~Joy Aletheia Stevens
Photo Credit: by Pedro Ribeiro Simões (CC BY 2.0)
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Well said, and I’m happy to hear someone standing up and saying it along with me! There has just recently been a huge back-lash led by homeschool graduates against the religious homeschooling movement. It’s not that we feel homeschooling is bad in itself… but it certainly can be if done for the wrong reasons by the wrong people. There needs to be accountability and there needs to be open discussion about these things. If you haven’t yet, you should check out homeschoolersanonymous.wordpress.com for a lot of stories about homeschooling culture and the abuses that it lends itself to.
I was also homeschooled, and I was given a wonderful education. However, I was also homeschooled for a bunch of the wrong reasons too, and those reasons caused me problems. I don’t suppose my parents thought they would get an agnostic, gay/transgender child out of the bargain, and the shock of it caused them to turn emotionally abusive in their desperate attempts to re-assert their control once I was an adult. Now, I’ve pretty much had to cut them from my life to protect myself. Tragic, but unfortunately not too uncommon. This is why these reasons for homeschooling should be warned against WITHIN the homeschooling community. Sadly, it seems Christian Homeschooling is more often an echo-chamber of these ideas than a place where they are more openly discussed. And most of these homeschooling parents have no interest in hearing from alumni. We are often dismissed and ridiculed or treated as “traitors” in the culture war. I hope that changes soon.
Thank you for sharing! In many ways your kind of story is why I felt the need to write this post. I’ll be honest and say that I’m very conservative and in so many ways grew up into the “ideal” many of these parents probably wanted, but the point is that it was my choice and my thoughts and my personality that made me me. I grew up watching so many who were homeschooled in far more isolationist environments have a similar story to yours, one which leads to heartbreak in the family and very often the child being blamed. And I’ve seen the damage this culture can create. Sure the parents never meant to create such damage… but its what happens. I’m hoping that a voice that isn’t from one of the “traitors” might help people see. I’ve not been hurt by the homeschool community, but I’ve seen many who have.
And that’s exactly why we need to have people like you speak up. So many of us are disdained and distrusted as traitors, and those who held to the same sorts of values as their parents so rarely speak out about these problems. Perhaps many of them do not see them as problems. That said, I suspect that if you let your voice be heard among many homeschoolers, you too will be disdained for it. It is never easy trying to shift a power dynamic and, right now, there is a lot of power in the fundamentalist homeschooling circles, with organizations like HSLDA that thrive on fear tactics and control. Best of luck!